我喜欢他九年，他也伤我九年，他的名字叫九年义务教育。
I like him for nine years, and he hurt me for nine years. His name is nine-year compulsory education.
你们上班都是每周几休啊？我们是至死方休。
How many days off do you work every week? We die.
跟我结婚以后，你想刷碗刷碗，想擦地擦地，这还不够自由吗？
After marrying me, you want to brush the dishes and wipe the floor. Isn it free enough?
天凉了，打开衣柜一看，就像皇帝选妃，选着选着感觉又要纳妾了。
Its cold. When I open the wardrobe, its like the emperor choosing a concubine. I feel like Im going to take a concubine again.
A：“雨滴掉水里为什么会有个泡泡呢？” B：“雨滴那么远跑下来还不得喘口气啊。”
A: "Why is there a bubble in the water when the raindrop falls?" B: "the raindrop can catch his breath when it runs down so far."
脸乃身外之物，可要可不要，钱乃必要之物，不得不要。
Face is a thing outside the body. You can want it or not. Money is a necessary thing. You have to want it.
从前车马很慢，书信很远。一生只够爱一个人。现在交通、讯息这么发达，我以为可以多爱几个，没想到还不如从前。
In the past, horses and cars were very slow and letters were far away. Life is only enough to love one personNow the transportation and information are so developed, I thought I could love more, but I didn expect it to be better than before.
如果你容不下我，说明不是你的心胸太狭小，就是我的人格太伟大。
If you can accommodate me, it means that either your mind is too narrow, or my personality is too great.
妈妈监督爸爸戒烟，爸爸偷偷抽烟被妈妈发现了。 妈妈问：“你在干什么？” 爸爸回答：“没干什么啊！”边说赶紧扔掉了烟头。 妈妈问：“那你吐的是什么？” 爸爸回答：“大概是浮云吧！”
My mother supervised my father to quit smoking. My father secretly smoked and was found by my mother.Mom asked, "what are you doing?" dad replied, "nothing!" and quickly threw away the cigarette butts. Mom asked, "whats that you vomit?" dad replied, "its probably floating clouds!"
为了让自己显瘦，我在佛前苦苦求了几千年，最终佛祖显灵，他捏着肚子上的肉说：你是不是瞎?
In order to make myself thin, I begged in front of the Buddha for thousands of years. Finally, the Buddha appeared. He pinched the meat on his stomach and said: are you blind?
年轻人不要老想着天上会掉馅饼，要脚踏实地，也许地上会捡到钱呢？
Young people should not always think that pie will fall from the sky. They should be down-to-earth. Maybe they will find money on the ground?
说你没有毅力的人都是胡说，你真应该和他们说说，单身这事你都坚持了二十几年。
People who say you have no perseverance are nonsense. You really should tell them that you have been single for more than 20 years.
我有一双银行汇款的眼睛，银行汇款，深情款款，款款传情。
I have a pair of eyes for bank remittance. Bank remittance is affectionate and affectionate.
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