1.接近我之前你要想清楚，我除了好看一无所有。
Think about it before you approach me. I have nothing but good looks.
2.如果遇见你，需要花光我所有的运气！麻烦你离我远点，我还要留着运气打麻将呢！
If I meet you, I need to spend all my luck! Please stay away from me. Ill keep my luck to play mahjong!
3.当金钱站起来说话时，所有的真理都沉默了！
When money stands up and talks, all truths are silent!
4.去朋友家吃饭，做了童子尿煮鸡蛋，明显吃不下的节奏，我说我不喜欢吃鸡蛋，朋友爸爸说：那你喝点汤吧！
Go to a friends home to eat, do a kid urine boiled eggs, obviously can eat the rhythm, I said I don like to eat eggs, my friend dad said: then you drink some soup!
5.记得小时候摩丝刚盛行的时候，没钱买，好羡慕把头梳得锃亮的人。有天听到句话忽然来灵感了，“你的头怎么跟牛舔的似的”。正好当时我家也有头牛，从此我也就拥有了锃亮的发型。
I remember when moss was in vogue when I was a child, I had no money to buy it, so I envied the people who had their hair polished. One day, when I heard a sentence, I was inspired, "how can you lick your head like a cow?". At that time, my family also had a cow, and since then I have a shiny hair.
6.家里突然停电了 ，我不停的进门， 只能靠频繁的闪亮登场， 解决照明的问题。
The sudden power failure at home, I keep entering the door, can only rely on frequent flashing appearance, solve the problem of lighting.
7.我朋友在他女友手机里的名字是“他”，之后他们分手了，就变成了“它”。
My friends name in his girlfriends mobile phone was "he", and then they broke up and became "it".
8.收拾屋子时发现家里有点感冒药快过期了，这都是花钱买的啊，过期就浪费了，于是我泡了个冷水澡，又吹了会空调，成功的感冒了，最后发现，药不够！
When I cleaned up the house, I found that there was a little cold medicine at home which was about to expire. I spent money to buy it, and it was wasted when it expired. So I took a cold bath and blew the air conditioner. I caught a cold successfully. Finally, I found that the medicine was not enough!
9.人格分裂的我，一巴掌甩醒了熟睡的我：别TM打呼噜，劳资都睡不着。
The split personality of me, a slap to wake me up: don snore, I can sleep.
10.和前任分手的时候，白天倒还好，可一到晚上就再也抑制不了内心的感情，一个人蒙在被子里偷偷地笑了起来。
When I broke up with my ex, it was OK during the day, but at night I couldn restrain my inner feelings any more. I laughed secretly under the quilt.
11.喜欢我就来给我表白，人这辈子总要体验一下被美女拒绝的滋味吧。
If you like me, please tell me that you have to experience the taste of being rejected by beautiful women in your life.
12.“什么原因让你一直单身？”“太了解自己了，觉得就我这样的还是别坑别人了吧！”
"What makes you single all the time?" "I know myself so well that I don want to pit anyone else like me!"
13.就算这世界上99﹪的人都觉得你不好看，但地球上仍然有7500万人是觉得你很好看的，是不是感觉突然膨胀了！
Even if 99% of the people in the world think you are not good-looking, there are still 75 million people on the earth who think you are good-looking. Do you feel that you have suddenly expanded!
14.记得刚升中学那会儿，我发现自己的胸部微微隆起感觉好害怕。现在大学马上毕业了，看着自己微微隆起的胸部，觉得更害怕了！
I remember when I was just in high school, I found my chest slightly raised and I felt scared. Now I am graduating from university. Looking at my slightly raised chest, I feel even more scared!
15.“长得丑但身材好是一种什么体验？”“背看倾国倾城，正看忧国忧民。”
"Whats the experience of being ugly but in good shape?" "When you look back at the country and the city, you are looking at the country and the people."
16.永远不要和父母吵架，因为你吵不赢的时候只有挨骂，当你吵得赢的时候只有挨打。
Never quarrel with your parents, because you only get scolded when you can win, and only get beaten when you can win.
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